


Bagatelles

by theremin



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M, New York City, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:33:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25911385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theremin/pseuds/theremin
Summary: Basically a Silicon Valley take on Kissing Jessica Stein. Set in NYC at the beginning of the millennium.
Relationships: Dinesh Chugtai/Bertram Gilfoyle, Jared Dunn/Richard Hendricks
Comments: 39
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title nicked from the new Nellie McKay EP and songs from that will appear in this.

Richard Hendricks' bubbe had been dead for thirteen years, but he still thought of her pretty often. She had been a crow-like, dissatisfied woman with dark circles around her eyes, circles which had started manifesting on his own narrow face, and she'd had a fundamentally pessimistic worldview. She'd told him, one morning he'd been humming to himself, excited about watching cartoons or some dumb shit; sing before breakfast, cry before supper. It was currently seven thirty a bright spring morning in New York City, Richard was twenty-eight years old, he was spinning an old 45 of Bing Crosby's The Best Things In Life Are Free to start the day off right in his one bedroom loft apartment, and bubbe's sour words _still_ kept him from humming or singing along.

_The flowers in spring, the robins that sing  
The moonbeams that shine  
They're yours, they're mine  
And love can come to everyone  
The best things in life are free._

He tried to let the gentle optimism of the song infuse him, like tea in water. He was going to need it. A black Moleskine diary sat innocently by the door, detailing times and places for no less than three fucking first dates this week. He wasn't all that stoked about any of them, but god, meeting someone through his own efforts was about a million times more preferable to listening to his mom and zayde loudly discuss which of the women at temple were recently divorced, baby-crazy, terrifically near-sighted or otherwise desperate enough to lok twice at Richard. Usually while they were in earshot. Since his little sister got engaged they'd gone from sighing disapproval of his inability to find a girlfriend to overt, and mortifying, match-making. He took a deep breath, gently lifted the needle off the record when it played out and replaced the black disc in its paper cover before grabbing his keys, his wallet and diary and walking out the door.

*

«I'll call you, okay?» Jared Dunn told the pretty woman with the sharp bangs before he leaned down to give her a hug. «You're special.»

«Can't wait,» she said, and smiled hopefully when she pulled away. «bye.»

«Jesus Christ,» Dinesh Chugtai, who had watched the little scene play out in the hallway, said, looking pained when Jared entered their shared workspace. «this guy _fucks._ »

«A gentleman does not kiss and tell,» Jared said with a little smile, shrugging off his blazer and taking his seat. 

«You don't have to,» Gilfoyle said without looking up from his computer. «unless you're Hooli's biggest carpool enthusiast.»

Jared laughed a little. «I think maybe we should change the subject. Not everyone is lucky enough to have what you guys have.»

Gilfoyle scoffed. «You can have him, if you want.»

«Shut the fuck up, Avril Lavigne,» Dinesh said. «you _are_ lucky I put the fuck up with you actually.»

Jared laughed again. «You guys crack me up.»

They both glared at him. Jared, smiling obliviously, watched the screen of his computer as it finished booting, and started up his e-mail client. It really was exciting how quickly technical progress happened! A few years ago he didn't even know what the internet was, and now here he was, working in Hooli's newly-started New York office and applying his business development skills to the rapidly growing IT sector. He still got a little thrill seeing those messages come into his inbox, in real time. 

«Oh, I'm onboarding a new trainee this morning,» he said. «Taylor Lark! What a lovely name! And I'm sure it suits her.»

Dinesh groaned again. «Oh, man.»

There was a knock and a very attractive, kind of slight dark-haired guy with thick brows and sleepy eyes appeared in their doorway. «Hey, which one of you are Jared? I'm Taylor, I'm supposed to get some training?»

«Oh, that's me,» Jared said, masking his surprise. «just walk down the hallway and take a right into the rec room, and I'll meet you there in ten.»

«Cool,» the guy said, flashing Jared beautiful white teeth in a sweet smile, before setting off. Even Gilfoyle had looked away from his screen to look after him.

«Wow, guess Hooli finally hired a trainee you won't fuck,» Dinesh said. Jared tilted his head a little, scratched at his neck. 

*

Richard was on the subway, sandwiched inbetween other commuters, a yellowed paperback in his hands, reading intently. His gaze stopped, and he re-read a passage. He reached into the deep pocket of his second hand pea coat for a broken-off pencil, and underlined the following words: 

_Sooner or later in life everyone discovers that perfect happiness is unrealizable, but there are few who pause to consider the antithesis: that perfect unhappiness is equally unattainable._

He sighed and looked up, then sprang from his seat like a jack-in-the-box when he realized he was about to miss his stop. He ran through the crowd and squeezed through the door right as it was about to close, then walked up the escalator. He walked down a street and then another and into a tired-looking brick building, up five floors on the cramped escalator, and into an office where four other guys sat around computers.

«Ah, hey,» Richard said.

«Hey, man,» Big Head, Richard's best friend since he was six and reason he'd got this job, told him. «like, can you uh look at this?»

Richard looked over his shoulder at his code and pointed. «You didn't close that tag, Big Head.»

«Oh, haha.»

Big Head fixed it and refreshed the browser, and the screen turned from some confused letters to a fully fledged website. Making websites for a living was, like, fine, but it wasn't really what Richard wanted to do. He wanted to develop software. But New York just really wasn't the place for it. California was. Silicon Valley. It was just... moving across the country and away from his family and friends was so daunting. He'd been excited when Hooli had opened a New York office but apparently they mostly did marketing shit and kept advertising for people with business degrees. Richard didn't have any degree. But he was a good programmer. He just needed a break. Or the balls to move. Go west. He sighed, sat down at his computer, and booted it up.

*

Dinesh and Gilfoyle's apartment was about as incongruous as their relationship, but still, like their relationship, kind of worked. It was Gilfoyle who had painted the walls black, but Dinesh's predilection for gold accents made sure it wasn't too dark. 

«You're fucking crazy,» Dinesh told Jared disdainfully. «you fucked all the women in New York, so now you're going after the men?»

«Don't be silly,» Jared said. «I'd just like to experiment a little. Why not?»

«He's just jealous,» Gilfoyle said. «I say go for it. Do what thou wilt shalt be the whole of the law. Anton LaVey.»

«So you'll take me out with you?» Jared said. «Be, ah, my wing men?»

There was an awkward silence. «Bold of you to assume we hit the clubs,» Gilfoyle finally said.

«Yeah we... watch horror movies and play video games,» Dinesh said. 

«Oh,» Jared said. «so ah, how did you two meet? At work?»

Another awkward silence. «Personal ads,» Dinesh mumbled. Then he tilted his head a little. «Which! Could work for you too. Actually it's better, because you can vet the weirdos.»

«Yeah you can meet up with someone chill and normal like us,» Gilfoyle said, deadpan. He got up from the black velvet chair he'd been lounging on and grabbed a notepad, started scribbling. «so what you want to put is, _For friendship or more..._ »

«Oh, well I'm not exactly looking for friendship,» Jared said.

«Access to bi-curious straight boys,» Dinesh said, nodding.

«Straight boys??»

«And a quote is good, makes you stand out a little, makes you look smart, weeds out the morons.» Gilfoyle walked over to their packed bookshelf, dragged out a paperback copy of The Satanic Bible. Dinesh yanked it out of his hands.

«No.» He pushed the well thumbed black book back on the shelf and started scanning the titles. «Not Wilde, not Dickinson... Whitman?»

«I like Whitman,» Jared piped up.

«Fuck Walt Whitman,» Gilfoyle said. «keep looking.»

«What quote did you use?» Jared asked.

Dinesh laughed. «Oh, god. What was it?»

«It was a Primo Levi quote. Very profound.»

«Yeah, I liked it, but turned out it was from a book about the fucking Holocaust.»

«But you were intrigued enough to reply?» Jared asked.

«Uh, yeah,» Dinesh said. 

«Well Gilfoyle, maybe I can just steal your quote?»

*

Richard walked into work a little dejectedly. What a week. After he'd honestly answered he'd spent his last vacation in Vegas, at the big Star Trek con, Emily had left to go to the bathroom and then never come back. Susan had sustained a continous, low-level giggle throughout their entire date, like the hum of a nervous refridgerator, and he hadn't asked her to meet again, just gone straight home and downed a Vicodin. Anna had, on the other hand, been so quiet and monosyllabic he honestly couldn't tell if the «thanks for a great night!» text he'd received the next day was sarcasm. Why was it so fucking hard just to meet someone you could have a conversation with? 

In the office the guys were clearly in goofing off mode, they were drinking coffee, Big Head had his feet on his desk and was reading out loud from a newspaper.

«BBW seeks BBC for BBQs,» he read out loud. «that's a new one.»

«Uh, looking for a girlfriend, Big Head?» Richard smiled.

«Yeah, pretty sure the woman of my life would be the kind of person to look for dick in a newspaper, so... oh my god, this one has a quote.» Big Head laughed. «Talk about pretentious. 'Sooner or later in life everyone discovers that perfect happiness is unrealizable...' bla bla, wonder what kind of misery that's code for, ha ha.»

«Freud?» Dang asked.

«Primo Levi,» Big Head and Richard said at the same time. Richard cleared his throat in the ensuing silence. «does... does she describe herself?»

«Uh, heh, okay. Thirty two, slim, tall- oh wait, shit, this is men seeking men.» The entire office erupted into laughter and Richard turned red. «Should um, should I keep reading?»

«Heh heh, no, uh. Maybe we should just get some work done.»

«Yeah, yeah, you're right,» Big Head grinned, folded up the newspaper and tossed it over on a low table. Richard's eyes followed the movement. 

*

Jared was starting to wonder if this ad thing had been a good idea. His answering machine was full of gruff voices suggesting very explicit sexual acts, one rather senior-sounding voice who wondered about his stance on the adoption of children, and one message which had started out by saying he sounded kind and broken down into tears in the middle of describing himself. 

His phone rang and he let it go to the machine, bracing himself.

_«Hey, uh, I'm- I'm Richard. Um. So... uh, I'm kind of new at this, but um I really liked your ad? I'm twenty eight, ah, I work for a little business which makes websites, guess I'm kind of a nerd. I really like reading, especially in the subway or in the park. I like classic cinema and second hand record shopping. Guess I'm just looking to meet someone smart and interesting and uh, you sound like you're both, so uh if you want you can call me at-»_

Jared lunged for his phone and picked it up. «Hello? Richard?»


	2. Chapter 2

Jared, wearing nice casual suit and nursing a glass of white wine by the bar, looked at his watch and winced a little. Richard was fifteen minutes late. He had sounded pretty nervous on the phone. Still, it would have been decent to just let him know he wasn't coming rather than just stand him up. He sighed. Damn it. He'd been pretty excited about this, the bar was really nice, and they were playing "One For My Baby (And One More For The Road)" on the sound system, the Julie London version. It could have been great. Well, maybe he should give Grace a call, not make it a total wash of an evening. He got his flip phone out and looked around and into the blue eyes of a skinny, curly-haired, terrified-looking man who stared back like a deer in headlights and then turned to walk back outside.

«Uh, Richard?» Jared said.

The man – Richard – turned again, and smiled a little maniacally. «Ehh, oh, you, um, you Jared?»

Jared got up, smiled, walked over to him, tried leaning down for a brief hug but Richard stepped back, avoiding him. 

«Um. Yeah, tall,» Richard mumbled, mostly to himself. «uhh, like, didn't see you, there, haha.»

«Oh, well, I'm so glad you're here! You look great,» he said. He did. Apart from the fact he looked like he might go into heart failure from nervousness he had wide expressive eyes, a strong aquiline nose, lovely reddish curls and was wearing a well-fitting dark red shirt and black jeans. Jared kind of liked him immediately. If he could only put him at ease, this might turn out fine after all.

«Yeah uh buh you too. Tall,» Richard mumbled again. 

«I'm six four,» Jared said a little playfully. «if you were wondering.»

«Huh?»

«Um, so, why don't we sit down, let's um, let's get you a drink-»

Richard smiled weirdly, stared. «Ahh. Ah. Jared. Look. I'm- I'm really super fucking sorry. But... I can't.»

«Can't what? Drink?»

«Anything. This was- this was a total mistake. I just- uhh fuck I just I've been feeling like super fucking lonely lately and I just really love Primo Levi and I thought maybe, hey, maybe I need to try something new and be like, someone more interesting haha haaa but uh... turns out... I'm still... me, and like, I, can't, and I'm so sorry, you seem really nice and tall and everything but yeah.»

Richard made an apologetic grimace and shrugged, then turned on his heel and walked briskly out of the bar. Jared frowned, left a note to pay for his drink and followed him outside, where he was trying to hail a taxi, flailing an arm.

«I kind of stole that quote, you know,» Jared said.

«Huh?»

«Yeah, a friend of mine suggested it. But I read the book yesterday, so I wouldn't look like a total charlatan. I really couldn't put it down. It was pretty powerful stuff!»

Richard looked up at him, the panic in his eyes giving way to a softness. «Oh? Yeah? Yeah uh. Like, um, he's one of my favourite writers. You should read The Periodic Table. And uh, he wrote poetry too, it's really like, staggering stuff uh»

«I love poetry,» Jared said. 

«Hm. Yeah,» Richard smiled. He let his hand sort of fall to his side. Jared figured that might be a good sign.

«I'm like, new to this too,» Jared said. «you're the only person that responded to me that didn't sound crazy.»

Richard sighed. «It's fucking hard out there.»

Jared tilted his head a little, raised a finger. «One drink? Just one? Come on, I put on a suit and everything.»

Richard shifted a little from foot to foot. «Uhh. Yeah, okay, one, I can do one drink, but like, I have like a dinner thing in like an hour. So uh, I can't stay long.»

«Of course.»

*

«I cannot believe you've met Gavin Belson,» Richard said, wide-eyed. «what's he like?»

Jared shrugged. «Driven. Smart. Workaholic. He saw the dot com bubble bursting, was good with money. I think Hooli is here to stay. The New York office is our first location outside San Francisco but it's probably just the start.»

«Man, I'm so jealous,» Richard said. «I need to work somewhere like that, not the rinky dink operation I've got.»

Jared smiled. «I'm sure you will.»

Richard shrugged, sighed. «I mean, you gotta be mobile to get the best jobs, um, I don't know, I'm pretty close with my family, they'd freak out if I moved out of state, and like uh it would be pretty hard I guess living far away from them.»

«Oh! So you're a real New Yorker!»

«Yeahh kind of. New Jersey. Some... familial distance... is good.»

«I wouldn't know,» Jared said. «I grew up in the foster system.»

«Oh! Oh uh.» Richard was unsure what to say. «Shit.»

«Yeah, and none of the families ever really stuck, so...»

«Uhh. Well, at least they're not trying to marry you off to any female with an operative womb, working limbs optional.»

«Very true,» Jared said and smiled, and it was a charming kind of smile, kind of upside down. It made Richard smile too.

«Should we wrap this up?» Jared said, nodded at the bartender.

«Huh? What?» Richard was confused. Was it something he said? Maybe that working limbs joke had been a little off color.

«Well, you need to get going, don't you? For your dinner.»

«Oh yeah, my dinner.» Richard swallowed. «The thing about... my dinner... is that it's not like... super important... because I made it up.»

«Did you?»

«Yeah uhh I lied haha. No dinner. Just uh. An excuse to leave early.» He cleared his throat. «Sorry.»

Jared smiled mildly. «I know a really good Taiwanese place?»

*

«Ah, this is wild,» Richard said, grinning, as he tried the green-yolked egg with the dark jelly-like white.

«Thousand-Year Egg,» Jared said. «it's so good.»

«Is it- like- uh, is it like really old in real life? Or is it just a name?»

«Probably not that old,» Jared said. «I think restaurants have it down to a few weeks. But I think there are techniques for literally preserving them for years. They use like... salt, lime and ash, and there's some chemical reaction which brings out these flavours.»

Richard nodded. «It's really good. Super different. I never would have thought to eat anything like this on my own accord.» He cut a piece of fried bread, iû-chiā-kóe, and dipped it in soy milk. «I mean, even just this stuff. Simple but awesome.»

«One of the greatest pleasures of New York for me is all the different restaurants and places to go,» Jared smiled. 

«Huh huh, and I eat the same fucking thing almost every day,» Richard sighed. «I'm probably too boring to meet someone normally, maybe that's my issue.»

«You're not boring Richard!»

Richard gave him a crooked smile. «Well. Thanks. So uh... have you had a hard time out there, too?»

Jared shrugged. «I don't know. Not really. I don't think meeting people is very hard. The problem is meeting someone you actively want to stick around.» He shook his head. «Maybe that's just dating culture? Everything is so casual. Like, I'm seeing two girls right now...»

«What- the fuck? Two? Girls?»

«Just casually. I mean, I wouldn't if it was getting serious.»

«So you're not- um- gay- I-»

Jared leaned in a little. «Well, why eat the same thing every day?»

Richard had just taken a sip of water and made a weird face before spluttering it all over his plate with laughter. «Good god,» he wheezed, wiping his face with a napkin. «look what you made me do. I hope that sounded better in your head.»

Jared went flatteringly pink. «It was a lot less gross in my head.» 

«Okay so uh, which one of them do you like the best? Does like, one of them get more time or... I'm curious, I've never really done like the casually dating a small army over a period of time thing, I can barely get a second date.»

Jared shrugged. «I don't know. I call Linda if I want to go out and Grace if I want to stay in.»

«Uh, okay. Good system. Who do you call if you get sick?»

«I don't get sick.»

«Huh?»

Jared smiled. «I don't.»

«Uh okay.»

*

It was dark outside and Richard and Jared were walking aimlessly, finishing off two ice creams. 

«So why didn't it work out with Winnie?»

Richard sighed. «Uhh, my fault, probably. She was just... really into Apple. Like, fucking arrogant about it, even though it's like _maybe,_ arguably, technically superior, I would very much argue it's not practically superior? Like, try fixing a fucking Mac, you can't, that's deliberate. Try opening an iPod. How? Like surely the whole point of being into computers is like, getting your hands a little dirty, unscrewing plates, putting in new bits, getting rid of old ones. In theory you could keep Frankensteining a computer and keep the performance up forever, if your Mac is fucked-»

«You broke up with her because she used a different computer than you?»

«No! No, we had an argument based on fundamentally incompatible philosophies of technical progress, and uh it led to a mutual breakup.»

Jared laughed. «What did your therapist say?»

«Oh I didn't tell him,» Richard said.

«Why not?»

«No time. Too much other stuff to get through.»

«Such as?»

«Oh... the big three oh looming, nothing really to show for myself, still on my own, no real career, why am I here on a dying planet ha ha. Normal shit. Uh, sorry,» he said, stepping out of the way of a small group of Hare Krishna followers dancing to a tambourine. «god, fucking weirdos,» he muttered under his breath.

«I don't think they're weird,» Jared said, licking down the last of his strawberry ice cream.

Richard smiled, made a face. «Come on. They are like, objectively fucking weird.»

«No more so than everybody else.»

«They shave their heads, chant in the street and beg for change.»

Jared shrugged. «They're working towards a common goal.»

Richard scoffed. «New robes?»

«No,» Jared said, a little exasperated. «spiritual enlightement.»

Richard scoffed again, smiling, finished his pistachio ice cream and discarded the cup.

«Like, some people do extreme sports, some people hike, some people cook, some people chant. What do you do to be happy?»

«Nothing,» Richard said, frowning. «I'm not.» Jared rolled his eyes and walked ahead, and Richard found himself striding to keep up. 

«I'm just saying, the pursuit of happiness seems a lot more worthwhile than like, living in a great city, having a loving family, working with your best friend and still choosing to be miserable all the time.»

Richard stared. «What- what the fuck, man? Are- are you trying to say my life has no meaning, or something, compared to _them?_ Like, at least I'm a contributing member of society!»

Jared stopped, turned to face him. «No, Richard, that's not at all what I'm saying. I'm just saying that underneath all the neurosis and stress and dissatisfaction there is a profound capacity for happiness which you could probably unlock if you opened your mind a little and made an attempt.»

«Okay, dude, I've been in therapy since I was twenty, I think I know myself pretty well, and I can tell you being bald and chanting Hare Rama Hare Rama would not make me happy.»

«Maybe it would if you tried it!»

«No, it wouldn't!»

«So you know how you'd react to any new situation?»

«Yes,» Richard said obstinately. «yes, I'd say so.»

Jared looked away for a beat, then, in one fluid movement, he leaned down and put one large hand on the small of Richard's back and the other at the back of his head and kissed him. Richard made a surprised, choked noise, and flailed for something to hold on to, ended up grabbing Jared's forearms. The kiss was soft but there was both an insistence and an intensity there, which combined with the fact Jared had him locked in some kind of Hollywood embrace, supporting his whole weight, didn't really offer any escape routes outside of struggling so Richard found himself kissing back, trying to keep up with the press of Jared's lips, his movements, and when he finally drew back Richard sort of followed Jared's face with his own. 

«Uuueh,» Richard said in a kind of squeak. «uhhhhh.» He was just staring now, immobile, still gripping Jared's arms and just waiting for him to make another move, Jared was still so close, still holding him, studying him with a slightly birdlike tilt of his head and a soft gaze.

«Guess you're right,» Jared said. «you seem to know yourself pretty well.»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole Hare Krishna convo is probably lifted verbatim from the movie but it and especially "Nothing. I'm not." is one of my fav ever film scenes sooo


	3. Chapter 3

«Greetings, brave knights!» Richard entered the office carrying a tray of coffees. «I bring thee the brown blood of the Lord Starbuck!»

«You're in a good mood,» Big Head said, as Richard did a round, giving everyone a coffee. 

«Yeah uh, what's not to be in a good mood about? Sun is shining uh, we live in a great city, we work with a bunch of rad dudes! And a rad dudette, here you go fair maid Carla! And here you go, Big Head, mine brother in arms!»

«O-kay,» Big Head said. «cool. Thanks.»

«Now to slay any ferocious bugs and shoot any troubles!» Richard said and booted up his PC, slapped his palms together, and started humming Zip-Ah-Dee-Do-Dah. The others exchanged looks.

*

«So?» Dinesh asked. «What happened?»

«Ah, it was, I don't know,» Jared said, grinning a little helplessly. «he's... ah, he's well, he's adorable. He's smart and sharp and funny, his hair has curls, he has like, the most incredible blue eyes-»

«Did you fuck?» Gilfoyle asked.

«No-»

«Loser,» Gilfoyle said.

«We um, we did- we did kiss? Well, um, I kissed him, kind of um, not quite consensually, which um, is not something I would normally do, but uh we were sort of arguing and- well, not arguing, but tempers were raised and-»

«Hot,» Gilfoyle said.

«And uh- it was-» Jared sighed. «incredible.»

«So you're gonna see him again?» Dinesh asked.

Jared grinned. «Yeah. He's coming over tonight.»

«Of course he is,» Dinesh muttered.

*

Jared's doorbell rang and he took a final look in the mirror and fixed some stray strands of hair before walking over to open the door. 

«Hey hey,» Richard said. He looked almost as nervous as he had the day before, but in a smiley way.»

«Heyy,» Jared said softly. «you look wonderful.»

«Ah, ha, no, no, I, uh. Thanks. Um. You, uh,» Richard flailed a hand in his direction. «like, silk? Wow. Ummm.»

«Green is really your color,» Jared said, moved in close.

Richard looked up at him for a beat, then moved away. «Okay, can we like, can we not. Can we kind of uh, just cut through the whole. Cut to the chase uh huh.»

He sat down on Jared's couch, clutching a messenger bag. Jared sat down next to him. «Well, what did you have in mind Richard?»

«Aah, okay, well. Like. I've never really like seriously considered- uhh- gay... sex uh- like- I mean, I had like maybe a couple of fantasies about David Bowie in uh, Labyrinth? When I was a teenager?» He flipped into a bad English accent. «Just feah meh, luv meh an I will be your slave-ah... uuuh.»

«Okay,» Jared said, trying to follow the thread.

«But it's not-something- I thought- I would ever do, or _want_ to do, in real life, and uh, but uh I had such an awesome time, with you, last night?» Richard reached out for a very light touch on Jared’s arm which made goosebumps radiate all the way up to his scalp.

«Oh, me too!»

«Yeah uh, so, I, I did research.» Richard dragged a folder full of printouts out of his bag.

«Wow,» Jared said, frowning a little. «you used dividers.»

«Yeah, like, there was so much material, I had to come up with some categories.» He started leafing through the folder. «So ah, we are going, to need, like, some products, I printed out some recommendations, you’ll see there are very different price points-»

Jared looked down at the printouts, then gently grabbed the folder and put it on the coffee table. «We don't- we don't need all that, Richard.»

«Yes, Jared,» Richard said with a very serious expression. «we do.»

Jared grinned. «Ah, we can just start with the basics, and then we can move on to the intermediary stuff a little later?»

«Umm,» Richard said, then nodded. «yeah, I guess. Yeah, you're right. Uh huh huh. Cart before the horse.»

«Exactly.» Jared poured him a glass of wine, smiled disarmingly. 

«Nice um. Nice place,» Richard muttered, looked around. «tidy.»

«Thank you.» Jared brushed the pad of his thumb along Richard's jaw, and Richard looked up at him. «Is this okay?»

«Yeah. Uh. Fine, fine. Cool.»

Jared bit his lip. «Is it okay if I kiss you?»

«Mmmyeah,» Richard said, swallowed hard, an audible gulp. «okay.»

Jared leaned in, hand still gentle on Richard's face, and Richard pulled away a little. «So ahhh, like, we are going to have to go super fucking slow here man.»

«That's fine,» Jared said.

«Okay. Okay. Okay. Cool. Heh.»

Jared leaned in slowly, gently kissed Richard, caught his bottom lip inbetween his own. 

* * *

«So how is it going? Your whole _experiment?_ » Dinesh asked, giving the last word a kind of mocking tone. He handed Jared a beer and he accepted with a smile. He wasn't much of a drinker but he was so grateful for their friendship and relished the opportunity to like, "bro down". He'd never had an easy time making guy friends, and Dinesh and Gilfoyle had been pretty openly hostile to him when he first moved into their office, so it was just delightful they'd actually found they got along and him hanging out at their place had become a natural thing. Friends were like dates. Casual experiences that didn't really mean anything were a dime a dozen. The real stuff, the stuff that lasted, was a much rarer commodity.

«Oh... it's not working out,» Jared said. «he's nervous, neurotic, and not that into it.»

«Haven't you seen this guy like every night this week?» Dinesh asked, frowning. «What do you get up to?»

Jared sighed. «I don't know. We go grab something to eat, we walk in the park, we go see movies, we explore different neighbourhoods...»

«That's orienteering," Gilfoyle said. "you're doing it wrong.»

«And then we go back to mine and make out and then I accidentally move my hand outside whatever the tiny designated safe zone is that night and he jumps away and goes home.» Jared groaned a little. «He's driving me insane. Last night we were literally on the floor, and he still like, skittered off when I tried touching him back.» He took a long pull of his beer. «He's a pricktease, is what he is.»

Gilfoyle made a sound which might have been a laugh.

«I cannot believe I decided to try and just, I don't know, get with a guy, and I end up with the long lost Jewish Osmond brother. What are the odds?»

«Maybe you should just end it,» Gilfoyle said.

«Yeah,» Dinesh said. «like, trust me, you won't have a hard time finding a dude who actually will suck your dick. Within a five minute time span of saying hello.»

«Right?» Jared said. «I don't have time for this!»

«On to the next,» Gilfoyle agreed.

«Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell him.» Jared laughed a little. «You want to hear the best part? He has like, no clue. He thinks it's going great. Oh-» he said, reached into his pocket as a melody started playing, and answered his phone. «Hello? Oh!» Jared's voice went very soft. «Oh hi! Hey, you. No, no of course I don't mind. Why would I mind? It's fine. Okay, eight. Eight is great!» He giggled. «I am. Hehe! Yeah. Can't wait. Hehe miss you more. Okay. Bye. Bye.»

Jared smiled stupidly at his phone. He looked up and Gilfoyle and Dinesh were staring at him. Gilfoyle’s arms were crossed over his chest.

«I'm homophobic now,» Gilfoyle said.

*

Jared wiped his forehead, he was sweating a little from walking up the six stairs after he’d found a BROKEN sign on the elevator, but finally he’d reached the door that said HENDRICKS. It was the first time he’d been to Richard’s place, Richard seemed to prefer going to his. Jared chose to read the invitation as a good sign. He knocked, and seconds after Richard opened, grinned at him. 

«Hey, man!»

«Hi!» Jared conscientiously closed the door behind him before reaching down for a hug. 

«Huh- have you been drinking?»

«Um, I stopped by two of my coworkers’ place after work,» Jared said. «gosh, you know Richard, I think you guys would really like each other? Maybe we should all go out some time next week, would you be into that?»

«Hu, weh, guess who got Chinese,» Richard said evasively. 

Jared grinned. «Wow,» he said. «your place is amazing.»

«Huh? You think so? Or are you just...»

Jared looked around a little awed. It was clearly an old, tiny apartment, probably sectioned off from one that once was a lot larger, but it had a decently-sized kitchen for New York (you could turn around in it) which looked like it dated from the 70s, large wooden beams, and a red, narrow, winding metal staircase in the centre of it. Jared walked over to it, gave it an experimental push. It didn’t move.

«You use this for real?»

«Huh? Yeah?» Richard smiled. «Wanna go up it?»

«Gosh, do you think it will hold me?»

Richard rolled his eyes. «It’s a normal staircase, Jared.» 

So Jared gingerly climbed up, round and round, until he reached a mezzanine with a mattress, a little pile of books and black curtains.

«Pull away the curtains,» Richard said from down below.

Jared reached over Richard’s mattress and did, and his mouth fell open. The low windows revealed a rooftop view of New York, and the last rays of sunshine of the day colored the sky red. «Oh Richard! It’s wonderful!»

«Yeah it’s uh, it’s cute right? Kind of, bohemian or whatever? I hit my fucking head every time I get out of bed though. Um, come back down here, food’s getting cold.»

Jared climbed back down, took in the rest of Richard’s space. There was a lot of cheap wooden shelving overflowing with books and plastic boxes full of wires, chips and other computer parts, his computer dominated one wall and looked about as advanced as Gilfoyle and Dinesh’s home setup, and there was a tired-looking red couch and a small coffee table where Richard was busying himself opening boxes.

A little later the takeaway boxes were empty and on the floor, Jared was on his back on Richard’s red couch, and Richard was on top of him, bracing against the cushions. They were kissing lazily and Jared was holding onto him lightly, resting his hands at the top of his back, trying not to give him an excuse to be like ’yeah no too much’ or ’actually i don’t like anyone uh including girls touching my uh stomach’. Richard moved his hips, bringing their groins in closer contact and Jared pulled away a little, took a deep breath. He looked up at Richard, bit his lip. Richard looked back, then opened a button on Jared’s shirt, and Jared felt the heat rise to his face. After nothing more than necking for a week Richard just opening a single button felt obscene. They needed to get this over with so he could get out of Jane Austen mode. He willed himself still, tried to let Richard set the pace.

«You're so... yeah. It’s funny, I never really found guys all that good looking,» Richard said a little pensively, his fingers playing where Jared’s shirt opened. «well, except David Bowie. You, and David Bowie, haha.»

«Good company,» Jared said, smiled.

«Yeah, so, I feel like, in maybe like ten more days, we’ll get there.»

Jared’s eyes went round and Richard sat up.

«Is- is that like, okay, Jared?»

«Of course. Yeah, of course, Richard. We have all the time in the world. There's no rush.»

«Or, like, we could say, like, a week?»

«A week is better.»


	4. Chapter 4

Jared looked down on Richard, striding ahead, jauntily swinging a plastic bag. They were on a bookshop crawl. They'd met at the Strand, then Richard said he wanted to go by Three Lives Company too, and then they’d decided to make an afternoon out of it. They’d visited Hue-Man, J Levine Judaica, a quirky cookbook shop (for Jared), St. Marks Comics (for Richard) and were now on their way to Gotham Book Mart.

«I forgot how fun this is,» Jared said. «Amazon is just so convenient.»

«Yeahhh,» Richard said. «I kind of went hog wild when they opened? Like, every book in the world, including shit I've been looking for for years, cheap and delivered straight to my door? Fucking awesome! But uh... I don't know. I kind of realized how much I actually like hanging out in bookshops." He shrugged. "I like talking to the people working there and getting recs, I like finding random shit, I like just... spending time in there. It's just a super nice way of getting out of the house and spending a few hours and uh... feeling... smart.»

Jared smiled. «I know what you mean. And goodness, to think Miss Piggy wrote a cookbook! I can't wait to try something from it.»

«Yeah? Gonna share? Gonna let me eat like Kermit the Frog?»

Jared laughed. «I'd love to!»

Richard smiled at him and Jared felt that heart-seizing fondness that was becoming pretty familiar. This whole situation was incredibly weird but goodness, it was exciting too. He'd just wanted to try something new, check it off a list, but he felt like he'd found something special. 

«Ah,» Richard said, pointing ahead towards Gotham Book Mart and walking eagerly inside. «hey, Pynchon,» he said, leaning down to pet a fat tabby. It graciously let Jared give him a pet too before jumping up into a basket and watching them with a sour, tired look. 

«It would be a shame if online shopping replaced this,» Jared said.

«I know, right? Can you imagine New York without these places? Like, what would be the point.» He looked around. «I'm going over to the science fiction.»

«Okay, I'll start out in politics.»

Twenty minutes later, another new paperback in hand, Jared found Richard in Foreign Languages.

«Oh, hello! What are you looking for?»

«Umm, I don't know,» he held up a slim volume of Antonia Pozzi verse.

«You speak Italian??»

«No. I read Italian. Badly.» He shrugged. «I took some night classes when I was younger, at the height of my Levi obsession.»

«Oooh!» Jared said. «Come on, let’s hear it!»

«Ahh, no, I suck. I prefer computer languages, they're easier.»

«Umm,» Jared said. «not sure I agree with you there.»

«Okay, maybe not easier, they're more logical. Because they're made by nerds, not normies. Any fucking mouthbreather cokehead can come up with a word or phrase and get everybody else to use it too. Just look at the advertising industry.»

«You are such a snob!»

Richard grinned, shrugged. 

«I speak a little French,» Jared said.

Richard made big eyes. «What?»

«Just a little.»

«O-oh? Okay? Ummm? Say something?»

Jared tilted his head. «You first.»

Richard looked down. «Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita, mi ritrovai per una selva oscura,» he mumbled in a thick anglo accent.

«Oh- oh I think I recognize-»

«Yeah uh Dante. The only thing I remembered off the top of my head.»

«Goodness. I don't know anything by heart like that.» He cleared his throat. «Je suis a la librairie avec Richard... qui a les plus beaux yeux que j'aie jamais vue de ma vie... qui est gentil et intelligent et mignon et un peu arrogant-» he grinned, watched Richard's face go fire engine red. «you understood what I said?»

«Not a fucking word,» Richard said, pulled him behind a shelf, got up on his feet and kissed him. Jared kissed back, surprised. Richard tended to slink away from any touches in public, this was new. He pulled back, stared at him with sort of hazy eyes.

«Um, Jared, uh-»

«Wanna go back to mine?» Jared whispered and Richard nodded, pressing his lips tight together. Jared left the book he’d picked up on the shelf, feeling a little bad about it. But not that bad.

After a short cab ride they were at his apartment, and Richard dragged him down by his shirt to kiss again. Jared reached down, grabbed Richard’s thighs and picked him up. Richard gasped, surprised and Jared wondered if he’d just ruined the whole moment but then Richard held on tight with both arms, legs scissoring in the dips over Jared's hips and leaned in to kiss again and Jared walked them blindly towards his low double bed against the big window. He dropped Richard down on it, on his back, and Richard gasped again, tore off his jacket. Jared crawled on top of him on hands and knees and found his mouth again, sighed when Richard licked at his lips. 

Then the doorbell rang.

«Oh, shit,» Richard said, in a high nervous voice.

«Oh COME ON!» Jared said.

«Are- are you like expecting-»

«No!» Jared said, groaned. The doorbell rang again. He got up. «Just- just stay right there, do not move, I will get rid of whoever-»

He strode over to the door, opened. A pretty blonde in a trench coat put both hands on his chest.

«You’ve been avoiding me,» she said in an accusatory voice.

«Oh! Oh, Linda, hello, um, goodness,» Jared babbled.

«Come here-»

«Uh um hi,» Richard said, appearing behind them. She took a step back, blushed a little.

«Hi,» she said. «I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had company.»

«Oh, uh, I was just leaving,» Richard said. «I um just- we’ve been like to see a movie and uh I stopped by to like, borrow, the ahh the bathroom, but ahh I’m like, I’m done? With that? So-»

«No, no,» Jared said, grabbed his arm. «you said you wanted to borrow that... screwdriver. Come on.»

He dragged Richard into the kitchen. «What are you doing?» he hissed. «We were getting somewhere!»

«I know,» Richard whispered back, a little panicky. «That was like, really fucking- good- but- I’m not sure- I think the moment kind of passed?»

«No it didn’t! We’re still in it! This is the moment!»

«And uh I just- if I kind of can’t get the feeling back- I’ll feel like shit.» Richard bit his lip. «Like, she’s, she’s fucking hot, she’s like nine million times hotter than me. Seriously, I get it-»

Jared had been flailing a little trying to get him to shut up and finally just put a big hand over Richard’s mouth.

«No,» he said. «I want her to leave, and I want you to stay.»

Richard moved Jared’s hand away and pressed a little kiss to it, smiled up at him. «I like, I fucking adore you. We’ll try again tomorrow. Have fun.» 

Then he skittered off and Jared looked after him, a little open mouthed. He kind of shielded his face when he passed Linda, like he was avoiding the paparazzi. «Soernicetomeetyoubyeuhbye» he said on an exhale and disappeared out the door, slamming it behind him. Linda snort-laughed.

«Okay,» she said. «um. But seriously, Jared, where have you been?»

«Oh, busy,» Jared said.

«You’re about to get real busy, mister,» she told him, grinning, grabbed onto his shoulders and got up on her tiptoes.

Jared sneezed wetly and she made a grimace, stared.

* * *

Richard moved around Jared’s bed, picking up discarded, balled up tissues and gathering them in a plastic bag. 

«Sorry thish ish so gross,» Jared said, thickly, sitting up in his grey flannel pajamas, under the duvet, got a fresh tissue and blew his nose again. 

«I don’t give a shit,» Richard smiled. 

«Bat if I idfegt you?»

«Then you can take care of me. Stop talking.» He walked over to Jared’s kitchen, ladled soup from the casserole he’d been heating it on into a bowl, and brought it over on a tray.

«You cooked?» Jared asked in a thin, surprised voice.

«Ha ha, right. No, my coworker, Carla, she’s like a self taught vegan chef or whatever, does a ton of work with Food Not Bombs. She also owes me like a thousand favors because she keeps intimidating me into doing shit for her. So uh, yeah. She made this. Matzoh ball soup. Jewish penicillin but like, no chicken, see, I know. I reheated it though, without burning down your kitchen, I’ll take all the credit there.»

«This ish sho goob,» Jared sighed. «oh by god.»

«Yeah?»

«Do you dink she’d gib me the reshipe?»

«What do you need the recipe for? You never get sick.»

«Ha, ha.»

«Ha, ha.»

Jared smiled, watched Richard measure out orange juice and pull different pill bottles out of his messenger bag. That fondness was threatening to make his heart burst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure the geography of this is a mess but eh


	5. Chapter 5

«Who's J?» Carla asked.

«Um? What?» Richard asked.

«This came for you while you were out. 'Thanks for the TLC. You're an angel. J.'» Carla read off the card on the box of donuts.

«Okay first of all why are you looking at my shit. And it's oh it's just» Richard's brain tried to come up with a plausible lie involving the 90s R'n'B group.

«Are you seeing someone?» Carla asked.

Big Head turned from his screen. «Is that why we haven't hung out in forever? I thought you were like, building a robot or had some weird project like that again.»

«He built a sex robot,» Carla grinned. «programmed it to be grateful.»

«Clearly he's seeing someone,» Dang said. «he hasn't been in this good of a mood over this long a period of time since...» he frowned. «ever.»

«Yeah okay, yeah okay,» Richard said. «yes, I am. Cool. And if you leave me the fuck alone now I will share these donuts.» He opened the box. They looked like the expensive kind.

Big Head grabbed one. «So who is this chick?»

«Aaah»

«If you like you could both come over and we could hang out?» Big Head suggested. «It's like, the uh American Idol finale? Let's get drunk and roast all of those show off losers butchering I Will Always Love You in honor of their dumb dead moms or whatever.»

«No um, this weekend I'm going to my parents' house.»

«Okay, next week?»

«Uhh»

«She's hideous,» Carla said. «right? She has no nose, something like that.»

«No-»

«Oh I know,» Carla said. «she's old. Mega old.» She bit into a donut. «Tell Granny Cougar her pastries are lovely.»

«She- is- actually very attractive and um,» Richard frowned, thinking. «early thirties I think.»

«Nice fucking going Richie.» Dang grinned. «Got yourself a sugar mama.» He chewed his donut with an approving nod. «Literally.»

*

Jared looked at himself in a shop window, smiled a little at his reflection. Pretty good. He was wearing black slacks, a light purple silk shirt, and he'd just had a haircut.

«Yeah, a kingsize bed is perfect,» he said into his phone. «um, and a bottle of champagne, please. And a do not disturb sign, haha. Great! Thank you!»

He spotted Richard outside his work building, trying to hail a cab. «Hey!» he said, walking up to him, grinning.

«Jared, hey, what are you doing here?»

«Coming to get you!»

«Huh? Wh..at?»

«It's been a week. Remember?» He leaned in a little. «I got us a hotel room. For the whole weekend.»

«Dude, I can't, I told my mom I'd make it to Shabbas dinner, my sister is coming and-»

«Uh, cancel it.»

A cab pulled up.

«But um-»

«Where are you headed?» the driver asked.

«Uh train station but-»

«Cancel it,» Jared said again. «visit them next week.»

«Uhh I can't think I uh come, uh, get in the cab.»

«But the hotel is just around-»

Richard got in the backseat and Jared sighed, climbed in after him. He got his phone out as they started driving towards the train station.

«Hey ah mom! Yeah, yeah about that. Well! Turns out, my new friend, Jared, I told you about him, yeah him, um, well, he got tickets for Threepenny Opera, last minute, total fluke! And it's totally sold out, and you know I uh I love Brecht? And it's got really good reviews... but next week I'll-»

Jared nodded encouragingly, smiled.

«What? Uh, yeah. No. No, mom. No, why do you need to talk to him?»

«Me?» Jared mouthed.

«No I uh I uh»

Jared reached out, nodded. Richard grimaced, handed him the phone.

«Hello,» Jared said.

_«Jared! What a delight to finally get to talk to you! I’m Sarah!»_

Jared blinked. «Yes uh hello!»

_«Let me tell you something. I will get you and Richard tickets to Threepenny opera next week. Maria from my reading group is the mother of the assistant director of the theatre, and she owes me big time. And you know the girl playing Polly is out this week? Vocal chord problems, she needs to rest, doctor's orders. She's gotten the best reviews of them all! Going this weekend would just be a real shame, Jared.»_

«But-»

_«I'll tell you what you're going to do instead. You will both come for Shabbas dinner! We have plenty of food, we have plenty of space, we would all love to meet you!»_

«Uh-»

_«Oh wonderful, it's decided. See you both very soon! Come hungry! Eat nothing! Bye, darling!»_

«Bye,» Jared said, gave the phone to Richard.

«What? Wh-what happened?»

«We're going to Shabbas dinner,» Jared said tunelessly.

«Fuck,» Richard said.

*

«Richard, Richard I've got you here,» Richard's mom said, pulling out a chair next to a woman he recognized from temple. Judy something. «Jared, darling why don't you sit there next to Irene?» Irene was Katie, Richard's sister's, maid of honor. «Excellent, oh, perfect. Um, now, Jared,» she tilted her head. «you're Jewish, right?»

«Um, not as far as I'm aware,» Jared smiled.

She frowned, tilted her head and squinted at him. «Really? Oh, well,»

«I'm very grateful for the chance to join you! So interesting!» Jared said, looked a little uncomfortable behind his pleasant smile.

«Mom, will you relax,» Katie said.

«Okay, okay,» she said, sitting down at the head of the table. «oh, I'm so happy to have you all here! Richard, Richard my love, why don't you do the prayer.»

Richard winced, sighed, started mumbling. «Barukhatahadonai-»

«Sing, my love. Sing!»

Richard groaned like an adolescent, then took a breath and started singing the prayer in a thin but clear tenor. «Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melekh ha'olam...»

*

Jared felt a little more at ease as the evening progressed, even if Richard looked pretty gloomy. It was pretty obvious this Judy was a setup. Someone had said something about Richard always having his nose in a book and she’d laughed a high giggle and said her favorite book was Facebook, and he’d scowled at her so obviously his sister had kicked him under the table. Jared didn’t think Judy had noticed but the scene was pretty obvious from his vantage point from across the table, from the way Katie jerked to Richard’s pained wince. 

Family dinners was a pretty novel phenomenon to Jared. They hadn’t really been a thing in or an occasion in any of his foster homes, and the fact adults willingly went to have dinner with their relatives for fun baffled him a little, but in a good way. He was jealous. It was warm, chatty, gossipy and even if Richard seemed a little exasperated with his mom – very loving. He swallowed down a little. He felt he’d found his place in the world and was quite pleased with his life and how things had turned out after a difficult childhood and adolescence, but at times he could still feel a profound sort of loneliness brush at him, vast and terrifying. 

Richard’s mom, Sarah, went to tidy away plates and glasses and Richard stalked after her. After they’d been gone for a while, Jared thought he better follow. If they were having an argument maybe they could just come up with an excuse and head back. Hopefully Richard would still want to come to the hotel, and if he was upset Jared would be fine with just holding him and sleeping next to him.

After all, he’d booked the room for _two_ nights.

«Hello!» he said cheerfully, entering the kitchen were mother and son were having a glare-off. «Can I help with anything?»

«Yes,» Sarah said. «you can stop my son being so picky!»

«Oh dear,» Jared said. 

«Isn’t Judy wonderful, Jared. Isn’t she gorgeous?»

«Uh, yeah, she’s cute.» Jared cleared his throat. «And it’s obvious Richard really likes her.»

Richard laughed. «Yeah, clearly I’m smitten.»

Sarah looked from one to the other and her shoulders slumped. «Okay. It’s not happening.»

Richard shook his head. «Not happening, mom.»

She handed Richard a tray of desserts. «Make yourself useful.»

Richard turned on his heel with the tray and walked back out into the dining space. Jared was about to follow when Sarah stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

«Jared, will you let me know, is he seeing someone? He never tells me a thing.»

«He ah, he dates,» Jared said. 

«Anyone special?»

Jared looked down. «I don’t know. Maybe.» 

Sarah sighed. «Darling, look, do you think you could maybe keep me informed? I just want him to be happy.»

Jared smiled mildly. «Um, Sarah, I’m sure if he does meet someone he thinks is special, he’ll tell you eventually.»

«Mm,» she said, noncommittally. Then she smiled. «but tell me, Jared. How do _you_ like _Irene?_ » 

*

«Nobody’s leaving,» Sarah had announced when a freak thunder storm hit, taking out the electricity and bucketing down rain. «we have space for everybody.»

Which was why Jared found himself sitting on Richard’s old bed, next to Richard, looking mildly up at his mom and feeling like a stupid teenager.

«Are you sure there’s room for the both of you?» she frowned, tilting her head. «You’re so tall, Jared.»

«We’ll make it work,» Jared said. «goodnight.»

«Goodnight my loves,» she said. Richard started giggling as soon as she closed the door, and then Jared started too.

«Stop it,» Richard said. «be quiet.»

«You stop it! Shh!»

In a little while they were pressed into Richard’s old bed, Richard in pajamas and Jared in an old, enormous Captain Sisko T shirt Richard had pulled out of his closet. 

«This is soo weird,» Jared whispered.

«Yeah, and in such an otherwise normal month.»

«We’re gonna get grounded. I can feel it.»

Richard laughed again, then he went very quiet.

«Are you okay?» Jared whispered.

Richard nodded, sat up a little, leaning over Jared. He had a very serious expression on his face. 

«Richard?»

Richard leaned over enough to blow out the candle on the nightstand, leaving them in pitch darkness. 

«It’s been a week,» he whispered, then leaned down and kissed Jared.


	6. Chapter 6

It was easier to be bold in the dark. Richard was lying on top of Jared, Jared's long legs drawn up on either side of him, caging him in, and they were kissing and kissing. This was- this was definitely happening, now. Richard wasn't really sure what he wanted but he knew he didn't want to stop. And even Jared's Mariana trench patience might run out one day. Richard had barely been able to sleep the night he'd deserted Jared's apartment, leaving him there with his... his fuck buddy, and had felt so elated when Jared had called him the next day and told him he'd ended up sneezing in her face and he felt like shit and had to cancel their date he'd gone right into Florence Nightinggale mode. Richard leaned on an elbow to put some space between their bodies and used a hand to unbutton the buttons on his pajama top, then rucked Jared's T-shirt up to his armpits before sinking back down, skin to skin. Jared felt warm and thin and bony. 

«Wow,» Richard whispered.

«Uh huh,» Jared agreed. «oh, Richard.»

Richard kind of wanted to talk but that tended to get him in trouble so he leaned in to kiss Jared again, another long and sultry kiss studded with little gasps, and their hips started moving in tandem. Jared's hand made its way down Richard's back to finally cup his ass and Richard thrust hard down.

«Aahh,» Jared said, almost surprised.

«Shh, shut up.»

«Sorry, sorry,»

Richard suddenly felt very cognizant of his old wooden bed creaking with their movements. He stopped, sat up on his haunches.

«Is something wrong?» Jared asked a little breathlessly. 

«No. Sit up.»

Jared did and Richard leaned forward in the dark to put his arms around him and Jared's arms came up around him, too, one of those enormous hands of his found their way into Richard's hair, and Jared drew him in, kissed his cheek and his jaw and the shell of his ear. Richard noticed he kind of smelled fucking nice. He let his hands fall downwards, hooked his thumbs in the elastic of Jared's briefs. Jared breathed in sharply and raised his hips, let Richard pull them over his thighs.

Richard licked his lips, tried remembering all the advice he'd read on the internet, especially the ones he'd printed out and indexed under the divider he'd marked “techniques (with diagrams)”, and sank down. 

*

Richard awoke from a sharp knock. «Breakfast! Fifteen minutes!» his mother's voice barked through the door.

«Yeah yeah go away,» Richard said in a raspy voice. Jared, awaking as well, shifted and sighed behind him. His thin arm was slung over Richard's middle, he stretched it a little and then pulled him closer, pushing his face into Richard's neck. 

«Fifteen minutes?»

«Yeah, no, no way,» Richard grinned, disentangling himself, maneuvring out of bed, hurriedly dressing. 

Jared yawned big, sat up, rubbed his eyes. Richard looked at him a little fondly.

«I like you in that T-shirt.»

«Hmm? It's so... gigantic. Were you a big kid?» Jared smiled.

«Uh, no, I've always been a twig. But I was obsessed with Deep Space Nine and I found that for a dollar in a second hand shop, of course I was going to buy it. I even wore it to school,» Richard said, wincing at the memory. «not sure why I was never elected prom king.»

Jared laughed. «I bet you were adorable.»

«Uhh.. like, can you, um, just sit still for a moment,» Richard said, started rooting through a drawer until he found what he was looking for, a polaroid camera. «okay?» he asked and Jared nodded a little shyly, looked down. 

*

The train ride back into the city was blessedly spare, and they had several rows in the back to themselves. So Jared took the chance on grabbing Richard's hand. 

«Uh-» Richard said.

«There's nobody else here,» Jared said reassuringly.

«Yeah, yeah.» Richard breathed in deep. «So uh. Last night. Like. Uh. Did you- was it like okay, for you?»

«Uh huh,» Jared said, not trusting himself to say much more without getting emotional. Maybe it was just the way Richard had made him wait for it, maybe it was the weirdness of the situation, the whirlwind of meeting his family, spending so much time together – but in that moment it felt a whole lot like Jared was in love with Richard Hendricks. It also felt like telling him that would be a terrible idea.

«Okay, cool, me too, uh. Yeah.»

Jared pulled his hand out of Richard's and reached for his phone, started texting.

«What are you doing?» Richard asked. 

«I am texting Grace, and Linda, to tell them I've met someone I'm serious about, thanking them for the good times and wishing them the best of luck in the future,» Jared said, squinting at his phone. «okay?»

«Yeah,» Richard said in a thin voice. «yeah, okay.»

Jared's phone beeped with a reply, and he looked at it, frowned. «Grace just told me to go fuck myself?»

Richard laughed.

«I don't- I don't understand? Was- was my message condescending?» Jared sounded worried. «Goodness, I didn't intend-»

Richard sighed. «Look, Jared, a lot of the time, with like casual dating, one person tends to be more casual than the other.»

«Oh, oh no, but I always- I've always been very upfront-»

«You can't control other people's feelings, Jared.»

«Should um, should I call her? I think I need to apologize-»

Richard reached over and used a hand to cover Jared's phone. «Nah, let her have the last word.» He pulled his iPod out of his messenger bag, put one bud in his ear, and gave Jared the other, who accepted it carefully and put it in his own ear, smiling a little unsurely.

"Let's have a movie moment," Richard said and pulled up Ella Fitzgerald's I Concentrate on You, let it play as the train made its way over a bridge into the city.

* * *

«Like uh, I can't,» Richard said into his phone. Jared walked up to him with two different kind of frozen pizzas and made a questioning face. Richard pointed to one of them and Jared nodded, returning the reject. «no I'm not- like, yeah, I'm ah, spending time with my ah girlfriend. Haha. We're um bunkering down for the weekend. Yeah like we're literally out shopping for supplies right now. We're not coming up for air until Monday haha.» Jared came back, put a box of tealights into their cart and Richard frowned at him. Jared just smiled. «Yeah, they're going great. Um. Yeah. Geeze, Big Head, I don't know.»

«Richard?»

«Uh?» Richard looked up and into the face of Big Head, holding his phone to his ear in one hand and a big pack of toilet roll in the other. He grinned, cut the call. 

«What a coincidence, that's so funny. So uh, where is she?»

«Uhh» Richard said, and then again, «uhh.»

Jared looked from Big Head to Richard. «Where's who?»

*

«I'm sorry,» Richard said into Big Head's throw pillow.

«A dude? You've been seeing a dude??»

Richard made a muffled noise against the pillow, hunching in on himself.

«But you're so... I don't know, I never saw you as like, the adventurous type.»

«Fuck you, I'm uh adventurous uh»

«How did you even meet him?» Big Head said, confused. Then he closed his eyes. «Oh my god. Oh my god – you answered that fucking ad.»

Richard rolled over on his side, curled up on Big Head's sofa. «I just- I just- I just thought I could maybe meet a friend, someone smart and uh well read and uh»

«Yeah well, guess you did. Haha, jesus christ Richard.»

Richard wrenched the pillow off his face, which had gone beet red. «Do you like, does this- this changes things, right?»

«Huh?»

«Du uh do you think I'm gross or»

«What?»

«Do you still wanna be friends?» Richard asked thinly.

Big Head frowned. «What are you talking about? You're my best friend.»

Richard pressed the pillow into his face again, suppressed a sob. 

«Calm down, Richard, you're acting like you did that time you hacked the school website and the principal showed up at your house.» Big Head laughed. «Again, you're not going to jail.»

«That was bullshit,» Richard said, looked up from the pillow and sniffled a little. «that motherfucker had no evidence. I didn't leave a trace.»

«You were the only person in school who knew how to pull off shit like that.»

«Yeah uh still innocent until proven guilty»

There was a silence only broken by Richard's strained breathing.

«It's all wrong, Big Head,» Richard finally said. «it's not me. Like, he's fucking taller than me, he's stronger than me-»

«So was Winnie, remember how you always made her open jars?»

«Uh- I- basically I loosened- nevermind, I was saying. This whole. Situation. Like, he's a guy, he's bony and long and he's got a dick and it's all totally wrong. I should probably just, I should call him, I should call the whole thing off, tell him it's all been a terrible mistake-» Richard's shaking hands reached for his cell phone. Big Head grabbed it before he could get to it.

«You like this guy?» Big Head asked.

Richard took a deep breath, nodded. «Yeah uh. He's... awesome.»

«He's nice to you?»

«I'm not even fucking exaggerating when I say he's the nicest fucking person I've met in my life. I think there's something pathological there.»

«Does he get you?»

«Uh huh,» Richard said, sighed. «he does.»

«How's the sex?»

Richard cleared his throat. «Uh. Good.»

«Yeah?»

«Mm.» Richard shrugged. «I mean. I don't know. Like from the first time I met him, we just kind of clicked»

«Cool,» Big Head said. «you deserve a break.»


	7. Chapter 7

“As for the Prince and the Princess, they set free all the poor Christian folk who had been carried off and shut up there; and they took with them all the silver and gold, and flitted away as far as they could from the castle that lay east o' the sun and west o' the moon.”

Jared shut the book and Richard smiled a little. He was lying in a curled up position, barely covered by a bedsheet, head on Jared's flat naked stomach, facing him. Jared's bed was like, huge, which made sense really.

“I don't think anyone's read me a fairy tale since I was a kid. You uh, you're a good reader.”

“Thank you! I always get a lot of compliments for my eulogies!”

“Huh? Your what? As in, eulogies-eulogies?”

Jared smiled, bony shoulders shrugging. His chest was pale and concave enough for both of Richard's thumbs to lie side by side in the dip when he dragged his hands down his body. 

“I've volunteered with the elderly since I was a teen. Some times friendships form. But the loss is inevitable.”

“You said it never really worked out with any of your foster families.”

Jared shook his head, looked somber. Normally he'd try to make light of it all but it just didn't feel like he had to pretend with Richard. He couldn't help but consider that fact the biggest failure of his life, even though he knew he had done his best.

“Is that like... why? You just wanted to hang out with uh, older generations because uh... I'm not sure how to word this.”

Jared tilted his head. “Maybe. Or maybe it's the fact a lot of them are lonely and unwanted. Even though they have so much to give. And I could relate to that.”

“Huh. You don't sound like... were you like a difficult teen?”

Jared laughed. “I don't think so?”

“I just can't figure how none of those families wanted to keep you. My mom would act like she won the fucking lottery if she had a son like you.”

Jared reached out and dragged fingers through Richard's hair. “I think she's pretty happy with what she's got!”

“Yeah, but you know.” Richard sighed, sending a gust of air down Jared's body. “You're like, a real fucking adult.” Richard smiled, dragged a hand over his skin. “And you're a good reader... and you have a really cute belly button...” 

Jared giggled. “Hey, Richard. Um. Like, you uh, play video games right?”

“Uh yeah?” Richard's eyebrows arched with interest.

“Good, I thought so, um, well, my friends Dinesh and Gilfoyle, they said we could come over for a tournament? Um, I'd really like you to meet them, I think you would get on really well, and ah, well I don't know how to play and they can be a little bit impatient, but if I had you on my team-”

Richard's eyes went a little wide, then he turned his face and kissed Jared's belly. “Not this week. I want you all to myself.”

“Richard-”

“Hey, let me see your book.”

Jared shot him a reproachful look but handed his copy of Angela Carter's Book of Fairy Tales over. Richard sat up a little, placed it flat on Jared's chest, planted an elbow on the other side of him, hovering, and started leafing through it. Jared laughed.

“What on earth are you doing?”

“You're a good reading desk. Okay, now I'm going to read one to you, okay?”

“Okay,” Jared grinned.

“In a certain land, in a certain kingdom, there was a priest named Vasily who had a daughter named Vasilisa Vasilyevna. She wore man's clothes, rode horseback, was a good shot with the rifle, and did everything in a quite unmaidenlike way...”

*

Dinesh was straightening out Gilfoyle's clothes and trying to make his hair lie flatter, and Gilfoyle swatted at his hands. 

“Stop it, it's not the first fucking day of school.”

“No, it's a fucking performance review, and you fucking suck at them. No jokes, okay? No making people feel like idiots.”

“What if they are?”

“A lot of things are stupid! Dogs! Fish! Kids! You don't go out of your way to belittle them do you??”

“Point.” 

“Just stick to the facts, stick to the list of everything you did this year we worked out but don't be arrogant about it, be polite even if they're the biggest douchebags you've met in your entire life. Don't cross your arms, it makes you look standoffish.”

Gilfoyle huffed. 

Dinesh sighed. “Dude, I make more fucking money than you, and you're just as good at coding as me.”

“I'm a lot better, you mean. And I have the more unique skillset.”

“Not when it comes to fucking people skills.”

Gilfoyle looked down. Dinesh tilted his face up, kissed him. 

“If you can fake being a normal person for twenty minutes, I'll blow you in the broom cupboard on fifth later.”

Gilfoyle's face twitched into what was almost a smile. “Okay.”

“Good luck.”

“Good luck Gilfoyle!” Jared said cheerfully. Gilfoyle nodded at them and disappeared out the room.

Dinesh sighed. “If we were on the west coast, he'd make twice what he does and have his own office, but he says he hates the heat. The least he can do is let these cocksucker suits know how fucking lucky they are to have him.”

“Would you like to move to the west coast?”

“I wouldn't mind,” Dinesh said thoughtfully. “me, I like the sun. But I mean, I like New York too. Good food, you don't need a stupid car. Gilfoyle's here.” He squinted. “Dont' tell him I said that.”

“He knows you love him,” Jared smiled. “it's obvious.”

“God, you're such a fucking grandma. Anyway, how's things going with” Dinesh batted his eyes, “ _Richard?_ ”

“They're going great.” Jared's smile turned into a grin. “He's just... oh, Dinesh, we have such a wonderful time together. I can't recall ever feeling this way about someone. Sometimes I think I could spend the rest of my life with him and still want to know his thoughts and hear all about his day.”

“You're fucking now, right?”

“Mmhmm,” Jared confirmed brightly.

“Deets, deets.”

“Oh, um... well... oh well, um, we've not quite, ah, reached the final frontier, but-”

“So hand and mouth stuff only?”

“Ahh, mostly- Richard- Richard did pleasure himself between my thighs last night and uh-” Jared went bright red. God, that had been hot. But he'd never been comfortable with, locker room talk or whatever. It felt disrespectful. “we ah, we're getting there.”

“When are you bringing him over? You know getting invited to our place is like, an honor, right?”

“Umm-”

“Don't worry about him not living up to your rave reviews, I've met enough people with a crush to know the Saturnalian god they're describing is a mediocre little beuraucrat with bad skin who tells racist jokes nine times out of ten.” Dinesh tilted his head. “It's kind of romantic actually.”

Jared bit his lip. “I think Richard is still a little uncomfortable with, um, going public with our relationship. We ran into one of his friends and things got a little weird and they disappeared off to his place, but he seems to have been able to calm Richard down. I thought that might show him it's not, you know, the end of the world, but I don't know, I suppose he just isn't ready yet.”

There was a silence. “You know, Gilfoyle isn't my first boyfriend,” Dinesh said a little quietly. “but he is the first to actually fucking acknowledge me.”

“Oh,” Jared said.

“Yeah I mean, obviously he's a dick and his taste in music is the worst I've ever encountered in my life and he's arrogant and pretentious and his eyes are super tiny without his glasses, they're like shrimp's eyes or something, and he's from Canada. He made me fucking go to Toronto once, made me eat something called poutine. Heard of it?”

“Um, yes.”

Dinesh shuddered. “It's so fucking gross. Canada makes America look like some kind of gourmet destination. That's meant to insult both Canada and America by the way. And it's fucking freezing too. They play hockey, are cold and eat buckets full of slop. What a fucking life.”

“Ah, where are you going with this?”

Dinesh looked confused for a second. “Um, yeah, right. Okay, so Gilfoyle is pretty actively terrible in a lot of ways, is what I'm saying.” He cleared his throat. “But. He holds my hand in public. He introduces me as his boyfriend. When I came out to my parents, he was there, and he behaved as much as he's capable of doing. And when that inevitably turned into a shitshow he supported me.”

“Your parents aren't accepting of your relationship?”

Dinesh shot him a look as if he was the dumbest motherfucker on the planet. 

“Anyway. What I'm saying is, I've tried it both ways Jared. And I'm never going back in hiding. Life is too fucking short.”

Dinesh looked intently at his screen and started tapping away on his keyboard in a very 'I've said my piece and will be taking no questions' way. 

Jared looked out the window, just managing to catch a glimpse of a chimney swift in flight.


	8. Chapter 8

Richard walked briskly down the stairs of his building until he got to the letterboxes, unlocked his and pulled out a stack of papers. He hummed a little to himself as he discarded the ads and other things of no-interest-at-all in the handy waste basket which the janitor probably had put up in desperation after a lot of residents just threw their ads on the ground. He was left with a couple of bills, the newest issues of Fortean Times and Bizarre magazine (his eyes lingered a little at the busty redhead in the skimpy devil's costume on the cover), and a thick envelope. He tucked everything apart from the envelope under the crook of his arm and opened it. He sighed a little, grimaced. Invites for his sister Katie's wedding next month. One said _Richard_ in ornate calligraphy, one said _Nelson_ , and there was a third that said... _Jared_? Jesus christ, how very typical of his mom. He really hadn't inherited her extrovert genes but her instinct to bring every friend and acquaintance and person who sat next to her while she was getting her hair done into the fold was... like, it was nice, Richard guessed. Still though. No way, no how. He pulled out the invite that said _Jared_ and put it in the waste basket.

He started humming again, walked upstairs, sneaking glances at the redhead on the Bizarre cover.

A little later that day he took a shower, put on aftershave, buttoned down a green shirt and black jeans. Unsure what the hell else to do to try and look better, he looked at himself in the mirror. His hair didn't look too Sideshow Bob so that was good. It was looking kind of gingery lately? It wasn't too bad. And the circles under his eyes had paled, noticeably. He wondered if it was all, kind of, down to this whole situation with Jared. Man, the last several weeks had just flown by. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this good. Maybe that feeling was making him better looking as well. He frowned at his reflection. It would be nice if it was even more, like, effective though. Then he smiled. But like. Jared seemed to be into him even if he was skinny and had a big nose and acne scars and unruly hair. The doorbell rang and he jumped a little, ran out of his ugly orange bathroom and over to open the door.

“Hey!” Jared said, beaming at him. He looked really fucking nice, in his tweed jacket and thin scarf (it was getting warm out but he was just... a cold dude). Richard grinned back, got up on the balls of his feet to kiss him. Jared could barely stop smiling to kiss back and lifted up a leather bag when Richard pulled away. “Look what I have!”

Richard's eyes widened. “Oh, you are so hot to me right now.”

Jared giggled. 

A little later they were sitting on cushions on Richard's floor, two wine glasses on the floor next to them, playing 7 inches on his record player. Jared had mentioned Richard's interest in them to one of his elderly friends who had gifted him a small box full, saying she was happy to see them go to a good home.

“Oh wow,” Richard said, after he'd dropped the needle on Bill Evans' instrumental cover of How About You? “this is really interesting. Like, a little jazzier than I usually go, but it's a good fucking song. I think it's from Babes On Broadway originally, with Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney? I've always liked it.”

Jared nodded, smiling.

“You miss out on the lyrics though. They're cute.” Richard smiled a little, started singing in a thin voice. “ _I like New York in June, how about you? I like a Gershwin tune, how about you? I like a fireplace when a storm is due..._ ” He trailed off. Jared reached out, grabbed his hand. 

“I love how passionate you are about things.”

Richard smiled, felt a little embarrassed. Jared could be so earnest. But like, even though it was a little odd, it just... felt really nice too? It kind of made him want to be earnest back. “It's easy with you,” he said, heard his own voice go a little high. And it was, because the guy was just a hundred percent non judgemental and seemingly always interested in what Richard had to say. He looked up and Jared was looking at him in that starry eyed way again, and when he leaned in for a kiss Richard reached up to stroke at his face with his knuckles. Jared sighed against him and the tip of his tongue ran over Richard's bottom lip, so the kiss deepened and by the time the needle scratched to signal the end of the song they were on the floor, languidly making out, pushing up close against each other. 

“Uhhh,” Richard said, pulled away and went to sit up, gently put the single back in its cover. 

“Wanna play another?” Jared whispered, put his arms around Richard's middle from behind.

“Um, like... maybe we should like, wanna climb up to my shitty excuse for a bedroom?”

“Oh yes please.” 

Richard reached a hand back to grab at the back of Jared's head. “And maybe we like, could like, try something ah.”

Jared let go of him and Richard turned, smiled. Jared's eyebrows raised. “You mean...”

Richard just nodded hard. Jared nodded back a little slower. 

“Okay. Yes, Richard. Um, but I am going to have to ask you to be very gentle. I have been fingered before and I just found it very painful, but uh, I am willing to give penetration a go, and I'm sure if we-”

“Ababa,” Richard said, nonsensically, cutting him off and making a slicing motion with his hand. “like. Uh. I mean. You could like. Do me. Uh.”

“Oh. Oh!”

“Yeah uh, I like, you know I like, to do research? So I kind of, I kind of, uh,” Richard went a little red, “I kind of practiced-”

Jared's eyebrows sank down. “What? You- who with??”

Richard rolled his eyes. “Don't be stupid. Like um. A dildo. Obviously.”

Jared's mouth fell open. 

“Okay don't look so fucking shocked-”

“I'm- I'm uh- I'm just- imagining-” Jared took a deep, shaky breath and pulled Richard close, kissed him again, wet and open-mouthed. Richard made a surprised little noise against him but went with it, his hands coming up to rest on Jared's shoulders. Then Jared pulled away, left Richard feeling a little dazed. “you uh, you liked it?”

Richard smiled, shrugged. “Um, yeah. I uh I bet it would feel even better if it was you.”

Jared just kind of squeaked at that and kissed him again, hard.

“You made yourself come like that?” he whispered against Richard's slick lips.

“Uh huh,” Richard confirmed. “thinking about you.”

Jared bit down a little on Richard's bottom lip and he yelped. 

“Let's ah, let's go.”

“Hold on,” Richard said. “the ceiling's so fucking low up there it's easier to undress down here.” 

Jared didn't answer, just nimbly and quickly started making short work of the buttons on Richard's green shirt, Richard fumblingly trying to keep up and pulling at Jared's clothes. Minutes later, when he climbed up his winding staircase stark fucking naked, Jared following, he could feel the heat and weight of Jared's gaze on him.

Richard really didn't mind that low mezzanine even if he ragged on it, there was something pleasingly treehouselike about it and he tended to sleep like the dead anyway, and now, wrapped up in bedsheets with Jared kissing him like the world was ending, Jared's big hand possessively grabbing and squeezing at his ass, he felt practically cocooned up there, like they were in a private secret world so entirely cut of from the rest of the universe he wouldn't be able to notice if there was a fucking earthquake.

Richard pulled away from Jared, gasping, reached under his pillow and handed him a bottle of lube, smiled at him as warmly as he could, and turned around. He closed his eyes. 

Breathed in.

Opened his eyes, and looked over his shoulder. Jared didn't look like he'd moved from his spot, looked uncharacteristically unsure. “Um, something wrong, Jared?”

“Um, no, no, I-”

“Well um, come uh, come on,” he said, smiling. “fuck me.” He'd tried to sound sexy but wasn't sure how much he'd actually managed to pull it off, but Jared start fumbling a little with the lube, moved in close, put his chin on Richard's shoulder and slid slick fingers between his buttocks.

“I love you,” Jared whispered, a tremble to his voice. 

“Yeah uh huh I bet,” Richard said, trying to make a joke out of it, not remotely ready to grapple with the implications of that one. Jared just kissed his neck softly, softly, started to slide a finger inside Richard and Richard gasped.

“Tell me if I'm hurting you.”

“No, uh, fine, uh, yeah,” Richard babbled. “ahh-”

By the time Jared had worked two long fingers inside him, exploring until he hit a spot which made Richard sob, he was completely unselfconscious, lying there on his side, twisting his face back to not even kiss, just bump his lips to Jared's, tongue flitting out to taste him, breathing hard, holding one knee up to give Jared more access, his hips making jagged little motions.

“Come on,” he said on an exhale, and his body arched like a bow when Jared finally, finally, lined his slick dick up against him and started pushing inside. It wasn't long until they were fucking hard and erratic, moaning and grunting, both clearly too worked up to last long. Jared whimpered into Richard's neck and then started working the warm, sweaty hand he had around Richard's dick harder until Richard gasped and came, and Jared pushed him forwards, pulled out, and came hot on his thighs. 

For a long while they just laid there, panting, sticky and gross, until Richard sighed a full body sigh, magicked up a Kleenex box, and they quietly cleaned up a little and then lay close, arms around each other. Richard looked into Jared's eyes and Jared looked back, gaze soft and blue. Fuck, he really was a good looking dude. 

“Can I ask you something, Richard?”

Richard bit his lip. “Um. Okay.”

“Was it better with me?”

Confusion passed over Richard's face before he realized and snorted with amusement. Jared grinned back. “Yeah, uh, yeah. Oh, definitely.”

* * *

A couple of weeks later (a couple of really, really nice weeks later) Richard was getting fitted for a tuxedo with his mom, who was getting one of her dresses let out before Richard's sister Katie's wedding. He was in a bad mood. It was Saturday, and he was spending it looking stupid in a tuxedo and listening to his mom be borderline rude to staff, instead of with Jared. Jared had wanted to take him birding in Central Park which just sounded like such a cute fucking thing, and he'd been looking forward to just bunkering down for another sweet weekend with him, but then his mom had called him up insisting he needed to come with her to get their outfits for the stupid fucking wedding right, and he hadn't been able to brush her off (it was, generally, not easy). So he'd fed Jared some evasive line about a "family thing" he couldn't get out of but Jared had cheerfully agreed to postpone their date to Sunday. If his mom thought he was coming back home with her after this she was dreaming. 

"Watch what you're doing!" his mom told a young seamstress. "What is this, an acupuncture clinic?"

"Sorry, sorry!" she replied sheepishly.

"Why do I even have to get fitted for a fucking tux," Richard said. "like, what are we, Rockefellers? I can just rent one."

"Yes and if you'd eat more you'd manage to fill it out. You're the brother of the bride, you'll be in all the photos, you have to look nice."

"You'll look great in a tailored suit, mister Hendricks," the seamstress said. "there's a real difference."

Richard gave her a strained smile. Then he heard a knock at the shop window and his mom started waving at someone. He glanced over, then did a double take. Outside, smiling and raising a hand in greeting, was Jared.


	9. Chapter 9

A little earlier that day Jared had been lying on his bed, reading, enjoying a lazy Saturday morning, when his phone had started ringing. He didn't recognize the number.

“Hello, Jared Dunn speaking?”

 _“Jared! Darling! It's Sarah,”_ a female voice rang through, and Jared hesitated. Sarah who- oh?

“Umm- Richard's mother?”

_“Yes, listen, I'm meeting Richard a little later today, did he tell you?”_

“Yes, he mentioned it,” Jared said. He'd said he had to do some thing with his mom he couldn't get out of, groaning like an adolescent. Richard really didn't know how good he had it.

_“Well, I thought, why don't you join us for lunch. I think it's time we get to know each other better.”_

Jared's eyebrows raised. Had- had Richard told her something? About them? About him? He had a weird, warm, swelling sensation in his chest. This was what he had wanted, what he'd tried working on Richard to do, but he hadn't accounted for how overwhelming and utterly surprising it would feel. All of a sudden he saw himself as a natural guest at the Hendricks' family table, next to Richard, not an outsider, but someone who shared in the jokes, helped with the chores... the longing suddenly felt like an ache. He covered his heart with his free hand.

“Goodness,” he said. “oh, Sarah, I'd like nothing more.”

_“Wonderful! You can meet us at...”_

*

“Hey!” Jared said, walking inside the tailor's shop, grinned at them both. Sarah was wearing a nice purple dress with a matching cape, and Richard was wearing a tuxedo, hemmed in with pins. “Wow! You both look fantastic!”

“Well thank you, you big charmer,” Sarah said in a slightly flirty tone.

“What's the occasion?” Jared asked.

Sarah tilted her head. “Well- the wedding, obviously.”

“What wedding?”

Richard looked like he was trying to blend in with the wallpaper, looking at something on the other side of the room. “Um my sister's uh getting married in two weeks didn't I tell you”

There was an awkward silence.

“No,” Jared finally said, “you didn't.”

“You didn't give him the invite I sent you?” Sarah said, slapped Richard's arm with a hand. Richard's face turned red.

Jared swallowed down hard. Goodness, it had been a very long time since he'd cried in public. He was certainly not going to do so in front of Richard and Sarah. So he had to make a quick escape. “Excuse me,” he said in what sounded to his ears a pretty level voice, then turned on his heel and walked out, striding long to get away as quickly as possible.

He'd managed to leave the shop and cross the street when he heard Richard call out behind him.

“Wait, wait Jared, wait up, jesus.”

Jared turned sharply, and Richard, running in his tuxedo, losing pins along the way, came to a halt, stepped back to avoid crashing into him.

“Your sister's getting married?”

“Uh yeah so uh so what?”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“Well like uh guh I thought maybe I mentioned-”

“You know you didn't, Richard.” 

Richard took a deep breath. “Okay, I guess I didn't. I'm sorry. But like, what do you care if my sister's getting married? I wouldn't go if I didn't like, have to. Weddings, ugh. The worst, am I right?”

Jared swallowed. “When your mom invited me to join you guys, I thought, I thought maybe it was because you'd told her-”

Richard visibly winced. “God, no offense, but my mom invites everyone she's ever talked to to everything and is fucking incapable of staying the fuck out of my life. I'm surprised it took her this long to track down your number.”

“It's been-” Jared blinked a little, bit his lip. “it's been more than three months now. And you still- you still just, hide half of your life away from me.”

“Well uh-”

“And you refuse to be a part of mine.”

“What are you talking about? We're together all the time.” He reached out a hand, gave Jared's arm a quick squeeze before withdrawing. 

“That's just it, Richard.” Jared ran a hand over his face. He was determined to keep his composure, but it was getting hard. “I want to spend time together with you and your family, too. I want to spend time with you and your friends. I want you to meet mine. I've asked you to, so many times. And I'm- I'm just sick of you ignoring that, I really am.”

Richard looked exasperated. “There's- like- nothing wrong with just like privacy?? Like, okay I just wanna hang out with you, isn't that like a good thing? Like, not you and my fucking mom.” He glanced over at the shop window, where both said mom and the seamstress were being pretty unsubtle about staring at them through the glass.

“Richard, we are in a rela-”

“Aah shut up keep your voice down maybe”

Jared frowned. “We _are_ in a relationship whether you like it or not. And when you don't acknowledge who I am to people you care about it makes me feel like you're ashamed of me.”

“I'm- of course I'm not fucking ashamed of you! But like, yeah uh, it's been three months, right? That's not like a super long time. And uh we have already uh been through this, I'm- look, you know I'm not ready to deal with the complexities of uh of uh of uh”

Jared shook his head. “You can't even say it.”

Richard got an obstinate look on his face. “I can, and I uh. Hey, you wanna hang out with my friends? Fine, fine by me, um, Big Head. I'll call him up, and we'll ah, we'll go over to his place, watch a movie together? You can uh, you can get to know him. He's known me since school, he can tell you all sorts of embarrassing shit about me.” He smiled a little hopefully.

Jared shot him a dark look. “You're willing to tell the one person who already knows, because he met us on a grocery run, and who you didn't even introduce me to before you ran off with him. Right.”

“Uhh- like it's a start?”

Jared turned around, started to walk away. Richard stumbled after, grabbed his arm. 

“Like, okay, what, what do you want from me? Like, okay, what can I do right now specifically to stop you being fucking mad at me? I said I was sorry.”

“Ask me to go with you to your sister's wedding.”

There was an awkward silence, Jared staring Richard down. Finally he looked away. “I can't, man.”

Another silence. “Then I guess I can't either, Richard.”

Richard let his hand fall from Jared's arm, and Jared walked away.

*

Dinesh and Gilfoyle exchanged looks. Gilfoyle jerked his head towards where Jared was sobbing on their couch with his face in his hands, having completely fallen apart while telling them about him and Richard's fight. Dinesh shook his head a little fearfully, jerked _his_ head towards Jared and made big eyes at Gilfoyle. Gilfoyle made a face, grabbed Dinesh hard and Dinesh went “ow ow motherfucker ow”, and Gilfoyle pushed him up and over towards Jared. Dinesh stumbled a little, wincing from Gilfoyle's grip, then awkwardly came down to sit next to Jared, put his arms stiffly around him. “There, there.”

Jared reacted instantly, clung onto Dinesh and sobbed harder. Dinesh patted his back with a pained expression, scowled at Gilfoyle.

“Men suck,” Gilfoyle said. “you're better off without him.”

“I was- I was probably unreasonable but- oh but-”

“You weren't unreasonable, fuck him,” Dinesh said. “he doesn't get to lie to you, even if he owns property in Narnia.” He patted Jared's back again, then pushed him away. Jared reluctantly let go of Dinesh. 

“I feel- I feel like I ruined the precious thing that we've been building together but- but why couldn't he just have been honest with me?”

“Men like to lie,” Gilfoyle said. “they're animals. The very scum of the earth.”

“Okay, Ouiser,” Dinesh said, annoyed.

“What did you call me?” Gilfoyle frowned in confusion. “Weezer?”

“No uh. Ouiser? Like uh, Shirley MacLaine's character in Steel Magnolias?”

“What the fuck?”

“Like, she's a crabby old lady and uh... well uh if this was Steel Magnolias, Jared would be Julia Roberts, you know, with the crying, and you would be Shirley MacLaine.”

“Fuck you,” Gilfoyle said, offended. 

“Who would you be?” Jared sniffled.

Dinesh thought about it. “Dolly Parton.”

*

Richard was at his parent's house. He just felt like getting out of his apartment. Three months really _wasn't_ that long of a time, certainly not long enough of a time to like, upend your whole life and identity and bring a fucking guy as your wedding date in front of every aunt and uncle and cousin twice thrice and fourth removed. So why did the apartment he'd lived in for two years by himself feel so dense with memories of Jared already? God, he couldn't get a fucking teabag out of the cupboard without thinking about him. So he'd decided to get the fuck out for the time being. His sister and her fiance, Andrew, were visiting too, so of course his mom had invited five other people to like, partake in the good cheer. Andrew, the corny bastard, even stood up and held a fucking speech about how much he loved Katie. Who holds a love speech at like a regular dinner? Over... meat loaf? Asshole. After Andrew had finally sat the fuck down and shut the fuck up Richard went “excuse me” and went to sit out on the porch, stared out into the night, pettily thought about divorce statistics. 

After a few minutes, his mother came out as well, and to his surprise she didn't nag him to come back inside and tell him to behave, but just sat next to him, then put her arm on the back of the threeseater, and Richard, a little surprised and a lot grateful, leaned into her body, sighed and swallowed.

“You wanna tell me about it, my love?”

“It's nothing. Pretty sure I'll be alone forever, is all.” There was a pause. “Jump in any time.”

“I don't think you will be,” his mom said quietly. “but Richie, my love. You have to learn how to let people come close first.”

“Guh”

“I'm so proud of you, you know that?” she said, let a hand come up to pet a little at his hair. “My son, the computer genius. Some of my friends, they only hear from their sons when they need money. Deadbeats, ha! Not you. You've always been so independent, so determined to live life your own way. I remember when you told me you wanted to move away from home when you were fourteen, you couldn't wait to be on your own. I was so afraid I'd lose you, then. But I never have. And I never want to.”

“Of course not,” Richard said in a thin voice. "geeze, mom."

“I-” She took a breath, smiled. “I think he's a wonderful boy,” she said.

Richard turned his face to stare at her, then he took a deep wavery breath and put his head on her shoulder, and she put both arms around him, tight.


	10. Chapter 10

Jared was watching Steel Magnolias (he'd gotten curious and Dinesh had lent him his DVD copy) and he was enjoying it a lot. And he was very flattered by the Julia Roberts comparison. Goodness, she was just radiant. He felt giddy just looking at her. He really should dive into the rest of her filmography. Jared took another sip of tea, sighed. 

There was a knock at the door.

Jared frowned, paused the movie, walked over to the door. Who could it be at this hour? He was in pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, and really didn't feel like seeing anyone. The days that had passed since his fight, his breakup he supposed, with Richard, had been empty and painful and weird after such a long and intense period of unprecedented intimacy. With Richard it really had been like in the movies, in the books, in the songs. But Dinesh and Gilfoyle were right. It wasn't worth it. He'd taken out that ad with the very simple expectation of maybe just sucking a dick but he'd got a lot more than he bargained for. He'd fallen in love. He'd had his heart broken. But he was of the firm opinion all experiences in life are teachable, and goodness, he'd learned a lot from his time with Richard, including about things he was not willing to put up with.

But still. 

It hurt.

So when he looked through the little fisheye in his door he gasped a little involuntarily when it was Richard there, warped through the glass. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes.

He opened up, crossed his arms, looked at him unblinklingly. Like Gilfoyle. Standoffish, Dinesh had called it.

“Uh, hey,” Richard said, his voice both nervous and soft at the same time. He looked handsome. Kind of moreso than usual. He'd dressed up.

“Hey,” Jared said, level.

“I ah, so your wedding invite, I threw it in the trash.”

Jared nodded. “Okay.” That little tidbit didn't really hurt like he thought it might have, but it was old news. You kind of had to hand it to Richard, he didn't beat around the bush.

“But uh- mine is a plus one.” Richard looked up at him hopefully.

Jared blinked.

“And uh, Jared, well, I just uh wondered if, you, would do me the honor of being my date to my sister's wedding next week. It's um, it's on Saturday. The service is at one and then there's a reception which starts at like four and I don't know, until late I guess.” He cleared his throat. “Please? I- I miss you.”

When you spend a lot of time crying, and Jared had cried a lot over the last couple of days, you just cry easier overall. It's a vicious circle. So even though he would have liked to have kept his composure, stayed level and neutral, maybe told Richard he'd have to think about it, he sort of gasped a little for air, felt his nose start running, and from the weird look of relief and triumph and concern on Richard's face it was pretty obvious he had done a piss poor job of trying to stay impassive. So there wasn't really any point in saying anything but

“Yes, Richard.”

*

“Are you nervous?” Jared asked Richard. They were in a taxi going over to the venue. Jared had a dark gray suit on and Richard looked very good in his tailored suit, his kippah. A familiar, obstinate look appeared on Richard's face.

“No, I'm fine.” He cleared his throat. “You?”

Jared shook his head. “I'm looking forward to it! I like weddings.”

“Uh. Weirdo. I hate them.”

Jared smiled. “But it's so lovely. All that dancing, all that laughter, all those generations together.”

“Exactly.” Richard shuddered.

When they arrived at the venue Sarah greeted them, gave Jared a very long hug and assured him he was “welcome in the family” which made Richard visibly wince but it just felt warm and overwhelming and brilliant. Then Sarah made Paul, Richard's dad, say it too, which was a little more awkward and then Richard grabbed Jared by the arm and pulled him away from his parents to find their seats. Jared had wondered if Richard would introduce him but apparently the jungle telegraph had gotten way ahead of them and they seemed to be assailed from all flanks by curious Hendrickses wondering if he was “the boyfriend”. Richard seemed a little thrown at first but eventually his shoulders came down, he noddingly confirmed and shrugged and brushed off relatives, and he started whisperingly pointing out stuff to Jared, explained the ketubah, the chuppah, the breaking of the glass.

“The bride presenting the groom with a ring is like, modern,” Richard whispered. “what she said, just there, in yiddish, uh, it's a quote from the Song of Songs. I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine.”

Then Richard was called up to recite a blessing and he whispered “oh fuck my life” low enough for Jared to hear, but stood up and recited beautifully. 

The wedding reception was a little overwhelming to Jared. There was just a lot happening. More curious questions and some very bizarre discussions, some visible disappointment when Jared said he wasn't Jewish, the phrase “there's always adoption” coming up more than once, constant offers of food, Richard and his sister exchanging terse words as she seemed less than happy with her brother using her wedding as his “coming out party”, and after a few hours Jared just really, really needed a break. He excused himself, claimed to need the bathroom, and found a quiet staircase and sat down, groaned a little. 

“Hey, man,” a voice said. 

“Oh-” Jared turned around, a little surprised to see he wasn't alone. “um, Big Head, right?”

“Yeah. You're Jared. We've kind of met.”

“Kind of.” Jared stood up. Big Head was sitting with his back to the wall, playing a game. “What are you doing out here?”

Big Head shrugged. “Pokemon break. Like, weddings are nice and all, but uh. Not really my scene. I'll probably dip soon. What about you?”

Jared smiled. “There's just um. A lot of curiosity about me and Richard. Which is understandable, and which I was prepared for, I just- I just needed a moment to myself.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“It's funny, because I was the one who really pushed for him to bring me, but Richard is the one who knows how to deal with all these comments.”

Big Head shrugged again. “Well, it's his family. He knows how to handle them.”

“I know. So I can't understand why he was so reluctant in the first place. They love him.”

“Richard's just a really private guy,” Big Head said.

“To a fault,” Jared sighed.

“Well... you've met his mom. You get it, right?”

“Sarah's lovely,” Jared said. “she's so warm, and so inclusive!”

“Yeah,” Big Head said. “she's like, she's great. She's also kind of a fucking lot and really different from Richard. She's always been up in his business and he's always fought to have stuff on his own. I think that's why he's so into the internet and computers, it's like a world where she doesn't have access.”

“Hm,” Jared said. He scratched his neck. He'd been so jealous of having a mother who cared so much, he hadn't really considered the notion that that could feel oppressive, too.

“So what's it like?” Big Head asked.

“Huh?”

“Like, with a guy. Is it different?”

Jared smiled shyly. “Yes." He sighed. "Yes. Even just .. kissing. Is different.”

“Yeah?”

“Like he's all... Hard and angular and his lips are thin but it can- still be so soft. There's just something- really exciting? About that?” Jared sighed again. 

“Huh,” Big Head said. 

“It's pretty fucking amazing,” Jared said, grinning. 

Footsteps came up the stairs and then Richard was there, his hair a little messy, his kippah long gone, his cheeks a little ruddy with drink. “Hey uh, what are you guys doing here?”

“Just talking,” Big Head said. "about uh... sports."

“Uh, okay. Like, there's dancing, right now, and uh, Jared, like, you wanna?”

Jared smiled a little tiredly, then reached out a hand and grinned wide when Richard took it.


	11. Epilogue: seven months later

The plans for the Ground Zero memorial still weren't finalized, three years after the event, but at least there were plaques with all the names of the fallen, and Richard still hadn't passed it without there being flowers stuck in the fence. Jared had told him he hadn't been living in New York at the time, but told a familiar tale of being told to put the news on and then sitting there, dumbstruck, in front of the TV for hours and hours and hours, bursting in tears over news items for weeks after. Richard had been at his then-job at Starbucks, in another part of town, and because of the pandemonium with public transport he and his co-workers and some of the customers had ended up spending the night in the coffeeshop, making coffees and eating pastries. In his memory it all tasted like ash.

“I wonder what they'll put here,” Jared said. “it still looks like an open wound.”

“It would be an open wound no matter what,” Richard said. “there was a before, and now we live in the after. Things are never going to be the same. And I don't think they're gonna take a change for the better, to be honest with you.”

Jared went quiet, and Richard reached out to hold his hand. Jared's lips formed a surprised little smile. Even now, after Richard had danced with him at his sister's wedding; even after Richard had bought him a beautiful pair of binoculars for his birthday and attempted and failed spectacularly to bake vegan birthday cupcakes; even after Richard had spent Christmas with him, and Dinesh, and Gilfoyle, for a “muslim-Jewish-Satanist-non-denominational celebration”; even after Richard had quietly cancelled his lease and packed his things and moved them into Jared's apartment – even after all this Richard still shied away from being affectionate in public. But he had told him once he needed Jared to take it slow. And Jared was a patient man.

“You know uh, you know Big Head was inside, when it happened?”

“Wh-what? Inside the tower??”

“Yeah.”

“He never told me.”

“He doesn't like talking about it. He was, like, he had like a job interview, so he was just down at reception. He says the craziest thing is after it happened, the security system kept telling people to stay calm and not evacuate.”

“What? Really? But they must have- heard and felt the plane crash?”

“Oh yeah. Big Head says it's the loudest noise he's heard in his life. It took him a little bit to get his bearings but then he hauled ass and started running, not turning back.”

“Goodness,” Jared said in a quiet voice. “poor Nelson.”

Richard shrugged. “Yeah. But uh, you know him. He's pretty unfazeable.”

“And he's got you to talk to,” Jared said, squeezing Richard's hand. “he's going to miss you, you know.”

“Uhh, yeah uh, well, we might fucking fail hard and run out of money and have to come back and move in with my fucking parents, and then he can see me I guess.”

“Oh, Richard, stop it.” Jared smiled. “accentuate the positive. My transfer to the SF office means I keep my salary so we'll have income, and you will not have a problem finding a job with your skillset. In fact, I told my new supervisor about you and he told you to take an aptitude test, said you sounded like you'd be a good fit for Hooli's programming division.”

“Heh.”

“Or maybe you'll get some wonderful idea and we'll do our own startup. Hm?”

“That would be something. Hey, then Big Head could come work for us. And Dinesh, and Gilfoyle.”

“That would be wonderful.” Jared smiled, then looked pensive. “Well, maybe if Dinesh and Gilfoyle got their own office.”

Richard laughed a little. Then he tilted his head up, listening to music which suddenly blasted tinnily from somewhere. It was a very Richard type song.

“I know you know who that is, and I know you want to tell me,” Jared grinned.

“No, I- uh- okay. Mills Brothers, 1952. Stone cold fucking classic.” 

Jared held his hand a little tighter, and they walked away from the grey memorial, and towards an uncertain but exciting future. Behind them, the song kept playing.

_Blue skies up above, everyone's in love,_  
_Up a lazy river, how happy you can be,_  
_Up a lazy river with me._


End file.
